Why a Pursuit for Personal Achievement Offers us our Greatest Successes
We all want to be successful. But how do you define success?
In this article, Caroline shares her own pursuit for personal achievement and success, what being successful meant to her in the past and what success means to her now.
The Fake Message of Success
My life was a catastrophe.
My dreams of future success and happiness were over.
I had failed.
At age 24 I had not gained the one for my university degree, that I had so desperately worked for. I had been given endless messages that anything less than this would ruin my chances of succeeding in training as a psychiatrist and being admitted into a prestigious psychological society.
What did my life mean now?
What could I achieve other than anything mediocre?
The idea was terrifying and for a time I was submerged in fear, confusion, sadness and self-reproach for not being good enough.
This did not last for long. My strong self-belief, deep sense of what was meaningful and my determination to achieve turned this around for me.
No-one was going to tell me that I wasn’t good enough. No one and nothing was going to stand in my way of living the life I had chosen for myself. In fact, throughout my secondary school years, the teachers had told me that I would never go to University.
What is success anyway?
Our concept of success relates to the experiences which have been imposed on us from birth. That first smile, first steps, first word, ability to make friends, to be popular, get good grades, have the perfect partner, gain our dream job and it goes on throughout our personal and professional lives.
Success can be defined in several ways. Generally viewed as an accomplishment of wealth, respect, fame or the achievement of a desired / positive outcome.
Our concepts of success are strongly influenced by our society, culture, education system and our parents, as well as our own aspirations, which are deeply based on all of the pre-mentioned factors.
When asked the question Do you think you are a success? or Is he/she a success? our immediate reaction is often to assess this in terms of a person’s material wealth, family status, partner relationship, job/career progression or the level of a person’s influence, popularity or power. This is not so surprising, particularly for someone we do not know because we have little else to go on.
The Success Mindset that Drags you Down
Success is often based on comparing ourselves to others, so we have to be honest here.
Many of us receive a deep sense of joy and satisfaction in believing that we have attained sought after goals, especially over that of others. After all, we are socialised and accustomed to this.
This creates a satisfying sense that some people have done better or are actually better than others.
This also expresses messages that others are abler, have more possibilities, are more valued, more respected, possess more power and are much happier.
This perspective is not only skewed, limited and hard to break away from, it also leads to a mindset which can be detrimental and unproductive to our mental wellbeing and life satisfaction.
Personal Achievement: The Success Mindset that makes you Mentally Healthier
People with a mindset of “success”, based on their own personal achievements possess the ability to positively influence their life perspective.
Their view of themselves and life experience does not involve comparison and is not determined by the expectations and accomplishments of others.
Their sense of self is formed from what they have personally faced and overcome. This also enables them to set realistic and achievable goals, decrease the demands placed upon themselves and make things less stressful.
In this way, they are focused on a perspective which gives personal meaning and self-worth.
When achievements are based on one’s own terms, which are judged and valued by ourselves, we reach greater fulfilment and create happier and mentally healthier lives.
Making Yourself the Dream and the Dreamer
We are all achieving every day with personal achievements being made from hour to hour, day to day, month to month and year to year. Facing, overcoming, resolving and achieving personal aspirations represent the defining moments of who we are.
We witness this in many different ways:
Continually confronting our fears and life challenges.
For someone who is severely depressed, “success” can be defined in terms of their personal achievements of being able to get out of bed, wash, get dressed, make something to eat or go out.
Surviving or leaving an unhappy or abusive situation or relationship.
Caring for loved ones.
Regaining something that we had once lost.
The commitment and responsibility of parenthood.
Being the first to achieve an unattained feat.
Accomplishing our personal best.
Learning a new skill.
Gain greater insight and knowledge.
Completing a set task, no matter how small or how big.
All of these examples reveal just a tiny fraction of our continual personal achievements.
Whenever I came up against an obstacle, I found a way around and my focus was clear. When things seem to block your way see this as an opportunity to explore the wider possibilities.
I didn’t become a psychiatrist and this led me to follow a more fulfilling path in becoming an Existential Psychotherapist. This perfectly suited my personal beliefs and way of life.
Caroline-Ribeiro Nelson
Creating our own Success
I don’t care if people view me as a success or not. This is not what is important or meaningful.
My life has been a continuous stream of personal achievements. I have overcome severe depression, I’ve faced prejudice, discrimination, hatred, jealousy with reserve and dignity.
I am honoured to fulfil a fantastic career in the service of supporting others.
I have learnt a new language, lived in a foreign country.
I learnt to love myself and am loved by others.
I continually strive to be respectful, kind and caring to family, friends and strangers.
I maintain an open mind and am constantly growing; my personal feats are countless.
Ten Ways to Cultivate a Great Personal Achievement Mindset
- Stop wasting time comparing yourself to others’ achievements. Invest in your strength and resources for attaining your own meaningful goals.
- Clarify the expectations that you have for yourself and those placed by others. Decide which expectations reflect your own personal needs and aspirations. Plan realistic steps in achieving these (Consider working with a coach or counsellor, who could support you with this).
- Be the architect of your own life. Do not let others define who you are and what you can achieve. You may face setbacks, obstacles and people who try to pull you down or hold you back. Staying focused and persevering enables you to overcome your hardest challenges and achieve your greatest aspirations.
- Perceive things as challenges rather than problems. If your focus is one of finding a way forward or attaining a goal, then you positively draw on all of your resources, in order to get you to where you want to be.
- Cultivate your self-belief and inner confidence. Utilise the power of self-talk: Continually talk to yourself in positive ways, in order to reinforce your self-worth and what you want to achieve.
- Shut out the negative messages and people who hold you back or drag you down.
- Engage in what you are passionate about. To believe and feel deeply about something, which brings meaning and a sense of worthwhile engagement is one of your greatest motivators. This drives you, brings enjoyment and enables you to perform at your best.
- Regularly take a moment to express gratitude for all of the things which you possess, do and get you through life.
- Acknowledge and appreciate every accomplishment you make, no matter how small. It’s the small things that can make a big difference. These are the steps which move you forward and build you up.
- Regularly take time to reflect and value on where you were in the past and where you are now.
Join the Conversation
We’d love to hear what you have to say.
Get in touch with us on Facebook Group and Twitter.
Best Pieces of Advice For Women Entrepreneurs in 2017
According to fastcompany.com, women entrepreneurs are the fastest-growing segment of business owners in the U.S. But, compared to male-owned businesses, women-owned businesses generally fail at a higher rate, employ fewer people and generate less revenue. The reasons for the disparity are complicated and varied: difficulty in accessing capital, entrenched social norms, and differences in the industries male- and female-owned businesses tend to cluster are a few of the reasons behind the imbalance.
We are focusing on the positive and are determined to offer you some pieces of advice that we are sure will help you along the way.
Be bold. Be elegant.
One of the many advantages that women have other men in business is their ability to be bold and elegant, at the same time. Of having the courage to say what they think, openly, but beautifully. Their strengths, presented in a very elegant manner, makes them special and powerful. Likewise, loved by their employees.
Build for the high-expectation customer.
Here’s a common trap founders fall into: gain users at any cost. Often, they chase after daily active users, monthly active users and retention numbers. “They believe that appealing to every customer is one way of solving these problems,” says Julie Supan, who has counseled Airbnb, Dropbox and Thumbtack on branding. That’s the wrong approach, Supan cautions. Instead, focus on the high-expectation customer (HXC). She’s your ideal user, “the most discerning person within your target demographic. It’s someone who will acknowledge — and enjoy — your product or service for its greatest benefit,” Supan says. “If your product exceeds her expectations, it can meet everyone else’s.” The HXC serves as a valuable touchstone to ensure that you’re growing in the right direction and to validate — or invalidate — your action plan.
The deeper the context, the better the advice
Advice givers should always reframe questions to orient around the advice seeker, not their own expertise. And, after offering a spread of data points as context, advice seekers should always ask what they should do next.
Invest in people
Your employees are the best power you have after your own and the gem of your business. They will be the ones helping you achieve the success.
There is benefit to failure
Barbara Corcoran, the famous investor from the hit show Shark Tank once said “My best successes came on the heels of failures.” This is a powerful lesson for any aspiring business owner, as most of today’s most established entrepreneurs have been faced with countless failures. The importance of dealing with failure is that you need to be able to learn from the failure, dust yourself off and move on, even if you deal with consistent failure.
Never be afraid to follow your passion
Debbie Fields, the creator of Mrs. Fields, said “what I wanted was to be allowed to do the thing in the world I did best.” This motivated the entrepreneur to follow her passion for cooking, even when others didn’t believe it could turn into the success it is today.
You have to believe in what you are doing
Estee Lauder, founder of the famed makeup brand said “I have never worked a day in my life without selling. If I believe in something, I sell it, and I sell it hard.” Believing in the product and service that you are selling is the first and most important component of being a successful entrepreneur. Without a firm belief in what you are doing, you will never be able to find the success that you deserve, no matter how hard you work. You must believe in the company you have and work relentlessly to sell that idea to the world, making them believe in it as much as you do.
Big achievements are possible
Entrepreneur and iconic mogul Martha Stewart claimed that “it is within everyone’s grasp to be a CEO.” Years of gender bias have left some women not dreaming big enough with their professional aspirations. Stewart’s quote drives the point home in saying that everyone has the ability to earn this type of title, if they are willing to do the work. Dreaming big and visualizing yourself in a big role is one of the best ways to get started on a journey towards being a successful entrepreneur.
Taking risks is important
Lillian Vernon, founder of Lillian Vernon Corporation, once said: “I don’t look at risk the way other people do. When you’re an entrepreneur, you have to go in feeling like you’re going to be successful.” When Vernon started her company she was married and pregnant, and heard from so many people that starting her corporation was a risk, but it was one she was willing to take. Sometimes, a little risk has to be involved if you want to see the big payoff in the end.
Tell a visual story
Melanie Abrantes, designer, believes that the most important thing about selling your product online is to make sure that the images of your product are able to tell the full story. “Since people won’t be able to see it in person, they have to imagine what the product is going to look like in that setting. When you have professional photography involved, you are able to create a life for that product.”
The means don’t justify the end
The author and icon Gloria Steinem considers that the ends do not always justify the means, in business or in life. “In the end, the who you are is much more important than the what you are. And as beings who need social interaction to survive, the value in who you are while getting to where you’re going is everything. The means will always become the ends,” said Steinem, quoted by billboard.com.
Doubt is your biggest enemy
Trust in yourself and you will do just great. Don’t let anyone plant you doubts when your gusts it’s telling you something. Keep positive people around you that will influence you in a great way.
Celebrate every important step and victory
Make sure you embrace everything good that happens in your business. Don’t sell short your victories and try and enjoy each one of them. Success is not easy to come by and all your efforts and dedication deserve the party.
Keep in mind the big picture
Don’t get frustrated easily or become unhappy just because of some small step backs. Remember the big picture, what you want to accomplish, your main goals. They are the real deal.
More pieces of advice you may find here and here.
